Worth it.

“You make me brave

You make me brave

You call me out beyond the shore into the waves”

These lyrics were echoing through my head as I rapidly approached my first day of teaching. During training my boss called me down to the office. I was asked to engrave a word on a metal ring that I wanted to remember throughout the year. It wasn’t a hard choice for me; I'd heard all throughout college that teaching was tough. I remember sitting in a college class and having a professor say "Look around. Within five years, half of you won't be teachers (according to statistics)." Back in the office, I watched as my hands clumsily engraved the word "brave" onto the ring. Just like the lyrics, my prayer became that God would make me brave.

Pretty soon I survived my first day.

Then my first week.

Then month.

Then semester.

Suddenly I was sitting at my dirty desk on the last day of school. It didn’t feel real. The halls were silent, students were gone, and I was left feeling slightly lost. I had spent my entire year wondering whether or not I’d actually make it to this point.

Now, a month later, I’m still not sure I know how to feel. When people ask me how I enjoyed my first year of teaching, I think they usually want to hear that I absolutely loved it. I wish I could tell them that every day I taught was the new best day of my life, that I did a fantastic job every day, and that each moment solidified the idea that I should be a teacher. I'd love to tell them that I had loads of fun, never messed up, made friends easily, read a ton of books, and cooked fantastic meals in my countless hours of free time.

But that’d be dishonest, and actually I’m not sure that’d even be ideal. In reality I had a tough first year (like pretty much every teacher ever). I spent countless hours wondering what I was doing, and whether I had taken a wrong turn somewhere along the line. Many days were spent contemplating whether or not I had what it took to be a good teacher.

Not only was this year tough, but it was incredible. In just one year I learned so many things about teaching, life, and myself. The chaos of teaching has reminded me how blessed I am to have great mentors, coworkers, friends, family, and students. I'm thankful for the moments this year that were full of excitement and new experiences, as well as the ones that really challenged me. Though teaching left me exhausted, it also left me with crazy stories, laughter, friends, and a strong sense that the work was meaningful.

This summer I've occasionally looked down at my keychain to see that tiny ring from the beginning of the year. On those occasions I’m left amazed at where God has brought me and wonder how God can make us brave if we're not willing to do hard things. When I look at the ring I’m reminded of a God that is bigger than my fears. He calls me out of my comfort zone into a place where I can see that He is indeed the God of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3). This is tough, but also worth it.

So, so worth it.