Wait

When I moved out to Wyoming to work for Wyoming Stargazing, I had a plan. That plan included telling everyone else that I had no plan, while secretly coming up with the best plan ever. Before I knew it, I expected to be in some other place, with some other job that no one expected. It'd be fun to tell my friends about how it all just fell in place, and that it's funny how life works sometimes. Maybe life does work like that sometimes. I'm not sure.

Instead, I've been waiting. Waiting to figure out what I'll be doing next, and where I'll be doing it. Don't get me wrong; I love stargazing. I'm often amazed that my literal job description entails driving people into Grand Teton National Park, setting up a huge telescope, and showing them the universe. There's a good chance that it'll be the coolest job I ever have. At the same time, I feel like God is telling me that there's more for me out there. Sometimes He speaks to us when we least expect it. You'll be moving fast, and God will ask you to slow down. Or you'll get a job offer and he will tell you "not yet." And so, I wait.

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One night this summer, the weather looked terrible. It was snowing while driving out to the Tetons and there was practically 100% cloud cover. Definitely not ideal for stargazing. Frustrated, I called my boss to tell him about the situation. For some reason, he still had hope and asked me to wait 15 minutes.

Sometimes I think we vent our frustrations to God in the same way. We don't understand why we are where we are, and we don't like that we don't know the future. We're asked to wait, and we get impatient. Everything within us wants to pretend that we know the future, and we get upset about things that we aren't even sure of. I think it's normal to feel that way.

After waiting like my boss instructed, the snow stopped. Within another 15 minutes the sky opened up and the magnificence of the universe projected across the sky. Like most people, I told myself that the waiting was worth it because of the ending. I got what I wanted and so did the people I was with. It was a great night.

A month later, I found myself waiting for clouds to pass again. This time, we waited for over an hour and didn't see a single star. Eventually we decided it'd just be best to leave. Was the waiting worth it this time?

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We all wait. It doesn't matter how much we like it. Sometimes we wait for better weather. Sometimes it's for a light to turn green, or for a job interview. Sometimes there are sunny skies at the end of our waiting period; sometimes there are just more clouds. It's easy to see the purpose in waiting when we get what we want at the end. It's much more difficult to do that when the ending isn't what we had in mind.

Instead of being focused on the endings, I've decided to focus on the present. How will I choose to spend the time in my life where I'm waiting for something? Will I shut down? Will I open up? Will the relationships in my life shrink, or will they grow? Will I worry about the ending, or will I enjoy the journey for what it is? In our culture, people don't typically see a purpose in waiting for things unless they ultimately get what they want. I'm not really a fan of that. I think that sometimes waiting can bring growth, healing, and change that is worth more than the things we are waiting for.

A few months ago people would ask me what came next. People still ask. I think that ambiguity is hard to face, even when it's not your own. Perhaps one day you'll ask me what comes next, and I'll have a 20 step plan that outlines the next 20 years of my life. Today is not that day, and that's okay. Until then, my plan consists of enjoying life with those around me and continuing to pursue the person that I feel God is leading me to be. Thanks for being a part of that.